Carnation /closed to ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
causetotremble
Dec. 4th, 2014 07:38 pmThree years have passed since Kira's disappearance, and Sayu is now a young woman of twenty-three. She's dreaded being twenty-three for years now because that's the age her brother was when he died. Twenty-thee is a horrible age. She looks at herself - a senior in college, studying to become a teacher with the world before her - and then she can't bear to think about what that view must have been like for Light.
He should have been twenty-six this year. Probably married to Misa, but she catches herself thinking about this and knows to stop right there. After all, Misa's gone too.
Sayu wonders sometimes, if it might have been her fault. That if she'd only been more careful and hadn't been kidnapped that perhaps her father and brother wouldn't have gone after Kira so recklessly at the expense of their health.
Survivor's guilt. She's read the term in a psychology textbook. Irrational logically, devastating emotionally. People say that time heals all scars, but she hasn't appreciated it yet. All that's happened is that rather than feeling sad, she feels numb. Each thought drifts past her like they aren't a part of her, but part of someone else's internal monologue. A strangers. But she can't tune it out completely.
Her fingers tighten over her book as she walks - a copy of Dostoyevsky's "Crime and Punishment" translated into Japanese. She's taking a European Literature course as her elective this semester. She's grown fond of literature - or at least, the escapism it provides.
She has an hour or so between classes today, and as a commuting student she doesn't have a dormitory facility to pass the time in. So instead, she walks just outside of campus, making her way over to the park where she usually sits and reads.
He should have been twenty-six this year. Probably married to Misa, but she catches herself thinking about this and knows to stop right there. After all, Misa's gone too.
Sayu wonders sometimes, if it might have been her fault. That if she'd only been more careful and hadn't been kidnapped that perhaps her father and brother wouldn't have gone after Kira so recklessly at the expense of their health.
Survivor's guilt. She's read the term in a psychology textbook. Irrational logically, devastating emotionally. People say that time heals all scars, but she hasn't appreciated it yet. All that's happened is that rather than feeling sad, she feels numb. Each thought drifts past her like they aren't a part of her, but part of someone else's internal monologue. A strangers. But she can't tune it out completely.
Her fingers tighten over her book as she walks - a copy of Dostoyevsky's "Crime and Punishment" translated into Japanese. She's taking a European Literature course as her elective this semester. She's grown fond of literature - or at least, the escapism it provides.
She has an hour or so between classes today, and as a commuting student she doesn't have a dormitory facility to pass the time in. So instead, she walks just outside of campus, making her way over to the park where she usually sits and reads.
